It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
