I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Randomize
