Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
