You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
