brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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