today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize