oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
