im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
