the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
