Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That accounts for only three of the penises
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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