So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
