I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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