Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
