He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
