that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
