Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
