I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
