I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
