i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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