I think I died a long time ago.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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