How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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