ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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