Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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