remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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