ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize