Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
