She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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