Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
