I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
