So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
