I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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