we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
