i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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