I love black thongs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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