dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
