check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
