I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
