Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
