Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
