No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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