You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
