yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
