He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How's work?
Spinning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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