Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He did a backflip because drugs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
