You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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