no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
