she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
