I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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