I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize