I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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