I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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