That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize