i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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