dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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