Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
