it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
