i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize