Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
