I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
