you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
