Kiss
Puke
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
