never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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