Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
