I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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