So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
