I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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