In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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