if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
