Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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