just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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