Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize