Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
